Smitten by the nice guy

I've been on 2 dates with Shane and hes just lovely. He is sweet and shy and a gentleman (picks me up and refuses to let me pay for anything). He's a gorgeous tradie (carpenter) with a staffy (same breed of dog as mine) he lives in a 3 bedroom townhouse that he owns. He's close with his family.

He's been away camping with his family over Easter and hes been calling and texting heaps and we had our first (3) kisses on date 2. He's told me that im a smart and intelligent young woman and he finds me sexy (in texts after he's had a few beers by the campfire) but he doesn't get what someone like me would see in something like him. He thinks hes dumb and can't stimulate me mentally because he quit school in year 11 and I'm a high school teacher with 2 university degrees.

He's told me that he's been single for 4 yrs and he's not entirely sure what he wants in terms of dating/r'ship.

I don't really have any experience dating a super sweet shy guy. I'm trying to do a balance of making things happen in terms of the first kiss, next date as he is keen but is very shy but I don't want to seem like the guy or im being too bossy. I just think he's great, I'm really enjoying getting to know him.

It's my 28th birthday on Tuesday (my last day of holidays before going back to work on Wednesday) and Shane is back from camping on Monday evening, driving 8 hrs home. I was hoping that maybe we could do something Monday night but with a bit of hinting and conversation, Tuesday my actual birthday seems to be a better fit for him. So now our third date is also my birthday. He's said we can do whatever I want and it will be his shout.

I've thought about it and what I would really love would be a chilled out day at his place -bbq for lunch, maybe play cards, snuggle up to a dvd, just really low key and get to know each other better. I don't know if im making a huge mistake by spending my bday with him. Will he be stressing about getting me a gift? I really hope he doesn't think he has to get me something. Will he be thinking we are moving too fast in terms of spending a birthday together? I know it's horrible but spending it with him would be my birthday wish. I'm such a freak it's only been 2 dates ughhhhhhhhh

Points for Honesty

I went out with Stephen again Sunday night (public holiday Monday) for dinner - mexican. After him stuffing around a fair bit with times.... Texts went a little something like this:

him: what time is good for you?
me:7pm
him: how about 8?
me: ok see you at 8
him: i might be a bit late, there's this bmx comp thing

Seriously get your sh*t together boy!!!

Same as last time, out then back to his place to watch tv, watch youtube and kiss and fool around a bit. He would have and seemed to want to have sex but I wasn't up for it on a 2nd date, I didnt know how i felt about him or how he felt about me.

We were chatting on facebook today and tonight so i sucked it up and tried to find out where i stood - didnt really want to be wasting my time, or end up sleeping with someone that doesn't really want anything more than a hook up. In the end it came out that he doesn't really 'do' girlfriends (not that that's what I asked him) as hes too busy and it ends up in fights. And he doesnt really know what he wants, the question he told me should be what do i want with him. I said that I wanted a guy to hang out with and date and for him to not turn into a jerk once we sleep together. His reply was that he's already a jerk.

I don't know if he's quirky, or emotionally a wanker or just wants to get some, but as my friend said 'no vag' How disappointing!

From 5th wheel to bmx

I got tricked into being free saturday night for my friend Janet's fiance's birthday party about 2 hrs drive away. I've met the fiance guy maybe 3-4 times we've said hi and that's about it. My other friend Julia was also going and bringing her super clingy boyfriend. Julia offered for me to drive to her place and go the rest of the way with her and her bf - stuck at a party as the 5th wheel until you and your bf want to leave? I don't think so!

Instead I met up with a new guy Stephen at the movies and we saw True Grit then went back to his place to watch tv and make out a bit. He rides bmx and a motorbike works in a bike store, don't really have much in common but he's good company and cute. I'm not really liking him or disliking him and im thinking it might be a defense mechanism so I don't get disappointed when there's not a 2nd date. Or maybe just haven't made my mind up as I feel like if he asked me i'd go out again but i wouldn't be destroyed if I didn't hear from him again. Maybe thats just the way you should feel after one date!

What's in it for me?

This guy Ronnie who I first chatted to for ages on msn, then met in person and got along well with and have had (fairly average) sex with on a few different occasions has been trying to get me to hang out with him aka have sex with him. He was trying to get me to go drive 30-40mins late last night to his house he shares with his sister and sleep over in his uncomfortable bed with one pillow and of course have blurh sex.

I told him the truth that I wanted to sleep in my own bed and have a nice sleep in. Then he tried to invite himself over to sleep in my bed and then say that i'd have a nice sleep in in his bed etc etc. I told him again how i wanted to have a sleep in alone. Some guys are just so one track minded and think they are so great in bed that they don't have to make it worth your while. I get he wanted sex but he didnt seem to get that I didn't want it whatsoever. He could have asked me to go out to the movies or something tonight and then it gets too late and asks me to stay like may be able to slime his way in but just 'Hey drive over and stay in my uncomfy bed' I don't want to so nothing you say is going to change that.

Then he started on the whole 'I could develop feelings for you' thing its so silly we've hung out we've had crap sex and neither of us has felt anything, doing it again isn't going to change anything. If there is casual sex going on the actual sex needs to be awesome.

I want someone to take me out for a late breakfast on this awesome sunny saturday, not someone that wants me to drive over late friday night to have blurh sex and a crap sleep.

Taking my own advice

Went to 24 hr pancake parlour last night to meet a guy for the first time for a drink. Name was Trent, 30 been talking online for a few months but just kind of a hey hows it going thing never really anything awesome. So decided to meet up, he looks nice in his one and only photo (should have been a red flag) and is nice to chat to on the phone, maybe a bit annoying but willing to wait and see.

I get their first, find a booth and sit with my back to the entrance because I hate looking/waiting for someone I don't know,  it's nerve racking. Hear a sort of mumble noise to my right, look up as this receding/bald guy walks into a chair whilst walking over to me. Takes me a couple of seconds to realise that this guy with a ring of hair around his earline is Trent and I should have re-read my first post on this blog before going out on this drink date.  

Hat on in all his photos = receding or balding. Trent only had one photo but he had a hat on it in. It's not that I'm hating on bald/receding guys, it would be a really heartbreaking horrible thing to come to terms with going bald at 30 but confidence is everything. You have to own it, shave off the pathetic remaining hair and don't wear a hat in your only photo so it looks like you have a full head of hair. It's the equivalent of a girl having a head shot where she looks nice and slim only to be hugely fat in real life, bald receding or fat you need to make sure a person knows that's what they are getting themselves in for when going on a first date. Otherwise like me you will be trying to listen to the person and keep up your end of the conversation while being unable to stop starting at a bald head and earline hair ring and thinking why did he hide that what a dirty liar.

To make things worse I woke up to a text from him 'had a good time just woke up how about you'. I need to decide if I'm going to go with the 'nicer' lie of 'you seem nice there just wasn't a spark' or actually be honest in the hope he may rethink the way he approaches his next date/meeting with another girl and tell him 'look you presented yourself as someone with hair and made you seem like a liar turning up with no hair'. Think the latter will just make me seem like im judgmental and hate bald guys and he won't use it as constructive feedback to make another meeting less shocking for another girl.

Deleting Etiquette

Since my last 'steve's so great we're going out Thursday night' post I've been let down. Steve is hopeless, texting during the week and he's all 'we should catch up soon' so I reply 'Thursday night (as organised by him) or early?' he then seems to have no recollection of the planned date he organised and says he had to work out work rosters by maybe Thursday. wtf?

Then chatting online with him - he's on all the time but never starts the convo with me, but when I start it with him he's all 'Hey Stranger!!! (wtf why am I a stranger you're the one not saying hi to me) we need to catch up soon. Apparently now Thursday should be fine and he will text me the time and place during the day on Thursday.

Having very high doubts after work I went to the shopping centre to look at straighteners (mines making a buzzing noise and when i set it to 160 degrees it takes it upon itself to go up to 262 degrees and won't budge) and get some Salsas Mex Grill for dinner. There was no text or call or chat online about Thursday night dinner even though it was Thursday night. Later that night i was online and so was he - so no excuse that he was too busy to contact me - I havent bothered started a conversation after he didnt come through Thursday, he'd only have a lame excuse that he hasn't bothered to contact me with.

My dilemma, and it's stupid, is how long do I leave him on my online dating contact list (the site i'm on has a contact list msn-like chat feature) and my facebook? The no brainer answer is that he should already be blocked and deleted but my pride or something is trying to think of what's a good time frame to delete someone in if you aren't cut at them you have just lost interest because they are weird and confusing and hopeless and you don't want to see them again? I didn't do it in a huff on Thursday night when the date didn't happen because that's what I expected to happen and all his first date magic had worn off and I just didn't care.

chapel street & south yarra

I went out on a first date with a 33 yo Steve last night and it was the best. I started talking to him online Thursday night he asked me out for Friday and I hadn't been on a date for some time and he seemed great.

I met him at the bar he part owns on chapel street and he was the same/better in person and what was better he was into me, his catch phrase of the night was 'there must be something wrong with you', giving me loads of compliments and having a great chat in between his bar staff bringing me cocktails on his request. He probably sounds like a pretenious wanker, especially if you know chapel st but he was the sweetest nicest funnest (it's a word i just made it one) guy.

Meant to be seeing him again Thursday night, he wants to take me to one of those asian restaurants where they cook stuff on the grill/hot plate in front of you. Hope it happens, really cannot wait to see him again.